Lili, Thank you for your brave post and speaking up! I think it was important for you to share. I’m sure there have been many others who have received comments or advice that felt hurtful and surprising, and your sharing if this experience helps them. I hope that we can all be open to what we don’t understand and have a curious, loving mindset and check our judgements. I wish you the best, and I think it’s great that OCD doesn’t define you, and you’re participating in activities to help you with through this challenge!

Some years ago I was diagnosed with OCD. It is a daily commitment with myself to improve and to be in control of my emotions and to reply in kinder ways to my intrusive thoughts to break them free.

One year ago, I started to practice a quite strong yoga method. It helped me to learn how to regulate my breathing and how to relax at any moment, as well as, meditate. It was helping me so much to my anxiety and intrusive thoughts that I’ve decided that I wanted to spread this method. Therefore, I started to study to become a yoga instructor..

For me everything was a challenge, since entering to the practice rooms, where you don’t have a mat and everyone in there is shoeless, I was dying!! Plus, the difficulty of the postures.. I was feeling not only physically but more importantly, mentally and emotionally stronger..

One day, a trigger occurred, someone put her things over mine, can you imagine her dirty clothes over my super clean ones?! I got panicked and I just took her things and put them away as quick as I could.. when she entered to the room, she got upset because I moved her things.. I just said why if there’s plenty of space..do you need to put your (dirty) things over mine?

After that day, I decided to talk with the director of the school who apart has built a career as a coach, to share my story, come on, yoga is inclusive, isn’t it? And is about peace and love, I was spending so much time in there due to the demand that this course required from me.. that I decided to stop hiding my OCD, is part of the counselling as well, remove the taboo of it, of course, no everybody is ready to hear something “abnormal”

I was with the director, sitting in front of each other, I shared my reality, I said I was thinking if I could leave my things apart, I knew I needed to get exposure, but I needed to do it in baby steps. He asked why? I told him, because I have cleanliness OCD.. he pushed his chair back with a scared face, OMG I saw so much fear in his face!.. he said:

– That means that if you are exposed to triggers and you get quite anxious.. can you kill someone?
– That you can get so anxious that you could disconnect yourself and hurt someone?
– You need to be under surveillance!!
– You weren’t born with this, we can fix you
– You need to start attending to a coach ASAP
– Society doesn’t need to accommodate you, you need to accommodate yourself and fit in it.
– If you want to be treated in a special way, shouldn’t you wear an advertisement on your chest saying “ I have OCD, please treat me differently”?
– You cannot practice yoga while you are broken, because is like a gymnast trying to do gymnastics with a broken wrist.

I’m wrapping up the main points he went through. I wasn’t planning to justify or defend myself to each of the above points, I only told him that I understood the ignorance that he holds towards mental health and that it was quite sad that being a yoga school director, he was not even aware about what mental health is.

Writing this seems easy, but it got me couple of months to be brave enough to share it.

I’ve decided to share it, because I think is really sad people dare to treat someone like this. I am so grateful with life, because thanks to my counselling, my family and friends, what he said is not my truth and it cannot break me.. but out there are plenty of people without the correct support, I was one of them once, and for so long, and when ignorant people say this kind of things, make you question yourself about – what’s wrong with me? Why I am so broken? –

I want to write this down as a way to tell people that by speaking up, we can break down the stereotypes, prejudices and misconceptions about anxiety and OCD.

There is no one normal, the difference is that some have the courage to be who they really are and others try to fit in what others say is correct and normal.

There’s nothing wrong with us, we are not broken! Suffering a mental issue doesn’t define who we are, is only one more characteristic of all the others that are part of us. We need to embrace ourselves, is a daily decision, but we have the opportunity to treat ourselves with love and create and build better, kinder and healthier tools to deal with anxiety.

You are not alone, and you are beautiful the way you are. I hope you find all the strength and courage to embrace who you are and create amazing tools that help you on a daily basis.